4 Simple Phrases that can Ease your Family’s Divorce Transition

There’s no way around it – divorce is difficult on everyone in a family. Children struggle with their parents divorcing even in the best of circumstances, and often the initial transition is the hardest part. The good news is that there are a great deal of ways to smoothen that transition, and one of them is as simple as changing the way we talk about it.  

The words we use around divorce matter more than we think. Children are especially sensitive and influenced by the way adults talk about it. For example, when kids hear words like “custody” or “visitation” they may automatically think of what they’ve seen on TV and assume divorce equates to crime. Imagine the stress of thinking your parents are criminals for getting a divorce! As adults, we may be so used to hearing these words and phrases that we don’t even think about how they may be interpreted by children.  

So far, no one I know has ever gone through a divorce because they wanted to make things worse for their family. They do it because they are hopeful it can make things better and happier for everyone. Shouldn’t our language reflect that hope? Kids need to know that their parents will confidently and compassionately lead them into this unfamiliar new situation of having two homes; and even when we don’t feel so confident, we can speak in a way that will help us get there.

Here are four ways we can rephrase our usual divorce vocabulary into a way that is more positive and helpful:

·      Instead of saying “visit your dad/mom…”

o   Try “live with, be with”

·      Instead of saying “the marriage failed/broke up…”

o   Try “the marriage ended”

·      Instead of saying “ex-spouse/wife/husband…”

o   Try “my child’s parent/mom/dad”

·      Instead of saying “my children live with ___ and visit ___ on weekends…”

o   Try “my children have two homes/two families”

It may not seem like it at first, but divorce can be an opening to a brighter future for your family. The words we use can reflect the hope of that possibility and help your child through this tough transition.  

If you’re wanting more information around this topic, “Mom’s House, Dad’s House: A Complete Guide for Parents who are Separated, Divorced, or Remarried” by Isolina Ricci is a great resource. If you are looking for hands-on help for helping your family transition through a divorce, contact me.

References:

Ricci, I. (1997). Mom’s house, dad’s house: A complete guide for parents who are separated, divorced, or remarried (2nd ed.) New York, NY: Fireside.